Still the Same
by SoTotallyOsm
Summary: Sometimes Desmond was glad his teammates couldn't see or hear what he did in the Black Room. 1617.


A/N: Just letting ideas flow. Nothing heavy on the romance side.

* * *

><p>"Ahahaa. Don't you see/, Dezzy-boy? Can't you /see/?" Hands were gesturing wildly in front of the blond's body, a hollow laugh coming from the man.

"What are you talking about?" Desmond had seen Clay in one of his crazy fits before, but for some reason he was making coherent sentences this time. Was he actually in his right mind, or were the thoughts just organized better this time?

"There's nothing we can do. Nothing /you/ can do. You and your little... little team of Assassins. Hahaha!" He nearly bent over in his laughter, arms stopping their movements to wrap around his middle. His laughter echoed across the island. "They've broken us, Desmond. They've taken everything from us. There's nothing left. Nothing. Nothingness. Blackness. Emptiness. A void that should be filled. Don't you feel it?" This time he did lean forward to laugh. "This despair? The knowing, it hurts. It hurts so much. Mentally, physically. Oh, wait. I don't have a body anymore." His laughter became more crazed, higher in pitch. "Just embrace it. That's all you can do. Pick up your pieces and put them in a pile. Then suddenly you don't have any pieces to pick up, just someone in the background ushering you along to do what it is you do every day. Not knowing. But we know." His voice was beginning to crack. "Conspiracies, theories. Everyone thinks you're crazy to believe them, even if the evidence is right in their faces. Ignorance is bliss, Dezzy. Bliss. I remember how that felt. Have you felt bliss before? As your light slowly gets snuffed out, there's really no greater feeling in the world. No worries, no regrets, just /acceptance/. Truth." Hands, shoulders, body were trembling. It was like he were freezing, but the Black Room's weather program kept it nice and cozy warm all around.

Not really sure what to do, the younger man stepped back and made his way toward the large gate which allowed him to access Ezio's memories. Clay stopped laughing, eyes staring him down as he moved away.

"Where you going, sweetheart? Going to leave me here? Like everyone else has?" His stare was unsettling, and it made Desmond stop in his tracks. What was he supposed to do? Just listen to him? Let him rant it out?

"I'm... I'm not going anywhere." It was all he could think of. So he stayed put.

"Good." The other straightened his posture and stepped toward him, running a hand along his temple and down to his jaw. Another unsettling smile was plastered to his face.

"I don't want you leaving. You can't leave. Not without my help. You know that, don't you? That's why you stay." Clay firmly grabbed his arm and pulled him along up the hill until they were surrounded by the smaller gates. Each one, save for a few on the right, were lit up with different images which represented Desmond's past.

"Yeah. ... I know." Honestly, he really didn't know what to say. But he knew the blond was expecting answers with every break he took in his rant, even if it was a nod of his head.

Hands clapped both his shoulders, then grabbed both sides of his head. Clay gave an awkward grin, stifling a few more chuckles under his breath. "Oh, Des. So confused, so gullible." He patted the sides of his head in unison, causing Desmond to flinch with the weird pop in his ears.

"I don't think you'll ever understand. What's going on, that is. How they really handle things. You've only skimmed the surface, Dezzy. I had to dig deeper. Down to the roots, I saw it /all/." His fingers were twitching again and he looked like he was trying to suppress something. Desmond couldn't tell what, but it looked like a physical suppression. The blond's body shuddered before he kept talking.

"They don't just have their grimy little fingers in everyone's pie, you know. Everyone made the pie for them. Everyone knows they do it, and nobody does jack about it. Everyone /wants/ to be controlled. Or else their lives are all just chaos and confusion. Kind of like how you lived after you left the Farm. Right?" A tilt of the head as he was expecting another response.

"I don't know what you're talking about." A huff. Desmond crossed his arms defensively. Could Clay see what was going on when he went through his little 'life journey" sequences?

"Yes you do. But it doesn't matter." The older man shook his head and offered his hand out to the other.

"I could come with you. Give you all the answers. I could help you."

"... I, uh..." Again Desmond found himself at a loss for words. He didn't know if he wanted Sixteen clinging onto him like that. Would it be considered sharing a body? How would that even work? He'd sound even crazier trying to talk to him.

"Come on, Des. It won't hurt." His hand was still held out for the offer. He could show him everything, and then he would understand. He could understand everything. He would know the complete Truth, even about Lucy.

"I don't think so..." There was hesitance in his voice. They'd discussed this before, and it had left Clay depressed and avoidant.

"... I see. You don't want me hanging around with you, as a reminder. I get it. It's fine. Forget I asked." The blond waved his hand and turned to walk away, an obvious slouch in his shoulders as he sighed.

Of course it would leave him depressed. Desmond ran a hand over his face, rubbing between his eyes as he thought through his options. He couldn't just say yes. But he didn't want to reject him like that. What was he to do? Why the hell did this have to be such a hard decision?

"Wait, Clay..." He started, but his voice left him after he'd said his name.

"Hm?" Lips were pressed into a line, though he still tried to feign a smile. Gazes were avoided.

"I, uh... Don't mind you being around."

"Oh, really? And what mind is there to say that?" A low chuckle. Always hinting at how insane they'd gotten, even though Desmond hadn't quite broken as far as he had. But he was still broken. Nothing could change that.

"Hey! I'm still here, you know." Desmond tapped his temple with a finger, frowning and giving a slight pout.

"Sure you are, Dezzy. You're so fine that you went into a coma so you could come play with Ezio and Altair. No. You came here so you could be less broken." And in the back of his mind, Clay had wished he'd done something like this long before he cut his lifeline. He'd gone too far under to turn back though. Desmond on the other hand... He could still fix it. Somewhat.

"But it's alright. I'll fix you up. No worries, right?" Clay walked back over to him to put a hand on his shoulder. "We're going to get you back to running order. I didn't do all of this just so you could go under and never get back out." He smiled. It looked like a sincere one, but Desmond could tell it wasn't. He knew he was disappointed.

"Look... If there was something I could do, I'd do it. I wouldn't really want you being stuck here either."

"I've asked twice and have been denied. There's nothing more that can be done. Don't worry about it."

"I am worrying about it though. What if something happens to you?"

"Like what? Gonna miss me?" Another grin. Better than the fake smiles, he supposed.

"Like being deleted, or... something. I dunno. Besides, how would that help?" It was an honest question. Two people in one body didn't sound very healthy, especially if they both suffered from the Bleeding Effect.

"I would have a body! Well. We. We would have a body. I guess technically it would be your body." Clay pursed his lips again, giving a hum and looking off to the side at the ground. He stepped forward and put a hand to Desmond's chest. Slowly, he slid it down as he spoke. "Our body. We could share. I can see it now; you getting all embarrassed to take a shower because I'm there too." He laughed and slid the arm around the other's waist and pulled him forward.

"That... That's..." Desmond couldn't stop the flush spreading across his cheeks. That was crazy. And weird. He'd watch him shower? The creep. "What the hell?" He stepped forward into the awkward embrace, staring at him with suspicion.

"What? That's probably how it'll work. I don't /have/ to watch. But hey." He kept the arm around him, holding him close, and let his free hand run through darker hair. "If we shared your body, then I'd know /everything/ about you. What you're really thinking, how you feel, what you like..." The fingers sifting through the other's hair stopped to pull his head forward, their lips close enough to barely touch.

"H-hey, there's no need for that. Why would you even want to-" He fumbled over his words. Clay might as well had been speaking in riddles again, because his mind was confused yet again. He let out a low, uncertain whine at their close proximity. "Uhm..."

"What's wrong? You don't want me to know your little secrets? But you know, it'd still be lonely." He leaned back and allowed his eyes to drop down. He felt the confused look he was getting from the younger man. Always so confused. Adorable, really. Sometimes it was grating. "With me in your body, we couldn't be like this." A smile spread across his face as he leaned in close again, their breaths mixing and just a hair's distance from kissing.

"That's weird, you know. Kind of creepy." Desmond could feel his lips moving against the other's as he spoke, finding it a bit awkward and he bit his lip on the non-scarred side. Dark eyes glanced off to the side, glad his team mates were unable to see the things they did while in the Black Room. "And... It'd be weird for you to control my body." The thought was odd.

"Oh? Would it be? You wouldn't want my hands exploring your body, perhaps?" As if on cue, the man's hands were sliding up along Desmond's sides over the hoodie. There was a smirk gracing the blond's lips as he watched the younger freak out over the thought. He wanted to laugh again.

"T-that's..!" An uncontrollable blush crossed his cheeks again, hands pushing away at the ones on his sides and immediately stepping away from the crazy man. He really was crazy. If he didn't think so before, he definitely did now. "You pervert!" He huffed, glaring over at him.

"I have a feeling that still means no." Clay just grinned at him.

"Damn right it still means no!"


End file.
